Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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