He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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