his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Gay?
German.
Pity.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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