very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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