I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
