The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
