How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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