youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
