Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
