Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
