i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
