Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
