Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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