is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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