sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
