hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
