she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
