I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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