its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
