I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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