K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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