My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
