As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
