When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
