you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
