She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
