when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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