i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
