DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
