Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
