I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
