i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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