Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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