Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
