I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
