Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
