just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
