P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
