kristin has been a bad kristin
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
