remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
