She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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