he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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