So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
