Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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