oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
