Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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