Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
