you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
