and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
