I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
